Dana Still Doesn’t Have a Clue When Brock Lesnar Might Return

(“Just a backpack full of s**t I killed. No big deal.” PicProps: Sherdog)

In the immediate aftermath of Brock Lesnar’s soul-shattering beatdown at the hands of Cain Velasquez at UFC 121, Dana White went on TV and wagered that Lesnar might call off much of his previously scheduled vacation time in favor of getting back in the cage. That’s just the kind of no-nonsense, take-no-prisoners SOB that Brock Lesnar is, Our Fearless Leader told us, sounding certain the big guy would want to wash the taste of defeat out of his mouth as soon as possible.

Instead … cue the crickets … because aside from some pics of him posing alongside a freshly smote whitetail, we haven’t heard boo from Brock since then. What with the UFC’s 2011 cards already filling up into March and the heavyweight division devolving into chaos around our very ears, our pals at MMA Fighting.com got a little antsy and decided to start asking the tough questions. Turns out Big DW hasn’t heard from Lesnar lately.

“Brock’s in the woods somewhere,” White said on Thursday. “I haven’t talked to him. He gets back this week or next week. I actually talked to his (manager) as I pulled in here. We’re going to talk on Monday and figure out what’s next for Brock.”

As for any half-baked notions that the former UFC heavyweight champion might “wanna do it” with the Undertaker at next year’s Wrestlemania, White put his foot down. Dana will not be sharing MMA’s biggest draw with the WWE any time soon, lest the enormous properties of his giant ego and Vince McMahon’s grapefruit balls somehow collide, thereby creating a catastrophic event that would dwarf the combined power of the Hindenburg and Hiroshima. Or something like that.

“He’s under contract with me,” White said of Lesnar. “I don’t want to blur those lines. First of all, him coming over and making the choice to leave the WWE and come over here, we gave him that shot. It was a big risk on our part. The guy was 1-0 but he’s done incredibly well. What the guy’s been able to accomplish with no experience in such a short amount of time, I don’t want him going to WWE and blurring the lines of what’s real and what’s not. I think it happens to us sometimes now.”

Even if Lesnar were to be available – and not wandering in the woods somewhere killing unsuspecting ungulates – who would he fight? Shane Carwin is still out rehabbing from surgery and quietly hoping this whole steroid thing blows over. Roy Nelson is still mired in indentured servitude to Roy Jones Jr. Frankly, there aren’t a lot of options aside from a third fight with Frank Mir and  — like you –White doesn’t seem thrilled about that.

“We were going to do the Frank Mir fight and that wasn’t very popular,” he said. “We’ll see what happens. It could be Frank Mir. I don’t know. We’ll see what happens. There’s a lot of things I have to work with, injuries. Shane (Carwin) is out right now. This (legal issue) is going on with Big Country. There are a lot of different courses that are against you at times.”

Must be rough. At least Dana still has that hot tub full of $100 bills to relax in each night when he gets home. That’ll ease the pain some.